Love Story: Page 16
December 4, 2015
September 2006 – The Universe
There I lay. By myself, in the dark, in his bed. Still, spent and a little shaky from the emotional upheaval of the day. As I stared at the ceiling, the events of the day, the month, the year – the years – seemed to vanish, a torrent of quiet, sparkling dust swept up and scattered, imperceptibly across the expanse. I suddenly felt very alone. So alone, but not lonely. Rather, it was an aloneness that gave me the profound feeling of inhabiting myself, a total presence of mind. I’d say it was an out of body experience, except that it was quite the opposite. There I was, lying alone, with so little control in the world, but… I was okay. It was probably one of the most meaningful moments of my life – a complete calm and clarity overtook me and I had the strongest, most distinct feeling of safety. It was as though in my aloneness, I realized that I, Elena, this impossible ball of chaos, was not alone. Rather, I was profoundly surrounded by love, wholly taken care of.
And so, I could let it go. And I did. One billion balloons, whipping and twisting in the wind, wildly fighting me, their strings cutting into my white knuckled grasp – I just let them go. And as soon as I did, they were gone, so, so blessedly gone. My hands were empty, of expectations and of control. Restfully, gently empty. And I was, for the first time in a very long time, completely at peace. Okay, I said silently. Okay.
And then, at that very moment, there was a knock at the door.
A loud knock, an urgent knock. But I didn’t startle. Rather, I felt only wide eyed, open hearted curiosity. Come in, I called.
The door flew open, and there he was – in a state I had never, and have never since seen him in. Except in cases of uncooperative technology – who can blame him?! – Achim is not a man of uncontrolled emotion. He handles sadness and anger with a tempered maturity; his joys are met with an upbeat “nice!” or, if you’re lucky, a quiet “wow.” This was different. He flew wildly to my bedside and dropped to his knees, reaching for my hand – he looked frantic, impassioned. I sat up. He was talking quickly – he had been just lying there, he told me, when he was struck to the core with the overwhelming, unmistakable feeling that this was just wrong. It was just wrong. We had it wrong. Go to her, said the feeling. This is not right.
I know it, he said, as his tone changed. This is Elena, he said. I love this girl.
And I said…
And wonderfully, it was.
Page 16/17. Wow, that was wonderful to remember! I highly recommend writing up your own love story, eh? I think everyone’s story has these moments of mundane magic, and they are such a life affirming (and relationship affirming!) thing to recall. Ahh…
I wasn’t sure how long to carry this, but it seems clear now. The next post will be the last one! Tie up a few loose ends. Put a bow on it, in the spirit of the season. 🙂
p.s. Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Page 4, Page 5, Page 6, Page 7, Page 8, Page 9, Page 10, Page 11, Page 12, Page 13, Page 14, and Page 15 if you’ve just started reading!